Well, lookee here! I actually made it all the way through my horror month (like I always do) AND managed to get my reviews written for every single movie on the list (a thing not successfully done since 2009, the first year I did this).
Before we get into this one more time, let's have a look at the rating scale:
A =
Excellent, a must see
B = Very
good, I’d watch it again
C = Worth
Seeing
D = Maybe
don’t bother
F =
Worthless
+ = Superior
for this grade
- = Just barely
makes it into this grade
And the usual disclaimers: the grades may be altered between here and my initial facebook post regarding them. Also, I SPOIL THE FUCK OUT OF THESE MOVIES!! This week, especially, I feel I tread into heavy spoiler territory, perhaps unnecessarily. But, either way, you HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.
Three young
people, Lizzie and Kristy, from England, and Ben from Sydney, are traveling
around rural Australia to see some sights. The girls are old friends, but Ben
is just some dude they met in their travels. Lizzie has the hots for him, we
learn, as the trio travels. Eventually, they arrive at Wolf Creek to see a
spectacular crater caused by a meteorite colliding in that spot during
prehistoric times. When they return to their car, however, it will not start.
Eventually, a man, Mick, arrives in a truck and offers to tow them back to his
property, where he just so happens to have the parts they'll need to fix their
car. They agree, and, eventually, the trio
makes it to Mick’s place and have some drinks with him. They then fall asleep
by the camp fire. Lizzie later awakens, bound and gagged in a room all by
herself. She resourcefully frees herself, and sneaks around the camp, locating
Kristy, who is mid-torture at the hands of Mick. Lizzie sets a fire, lures Mick
away, and frees Kristy. The pair end up shooting Mick, but he doesn't die. They
flee, but in their hurry, the girls almost send themselves over a cliff. They
ditch their car, and wait for Mick to find it and go off to search for them.
Lizzie insists on going back to the camp to get another car, but Kristy, who's
had more than enough torture, elects to stay behind. Lizzie spends too much
time snooping around Mick's camp, and ends up being captured (and never seen again).
Kristy, fearing for her life, makes it to the highway, and is almost rescued,
but Mick manages to track her down, and after a car chase, executes her. Ben
then wakes up to find himself crucified. He pulls himself off of his nails, and
escapes. An implied court case suggests Ben was blamed initially for the deaths
of Lizzie and Kristy, but was eventually cleared. Mick remains at large.
Wolf Creek
is an exercise in frustration. It takes a long time for anything to
happen, and when it does, our heroines almost manage to survive. Had they only
had the foresight to deliver a coup de gras - which, if you're being tortured
by someone, and you want to be sure they're dead, seems to be perfectly
acceptable to me - they would have made it. But instead, they fail. And they
fail hard. And because of that failure, the rest of the proceedings just seem
like a given. Lizzie's plan, to return to Mick's place after escaping to get
another car, is especially dimwitted. When you consider that their enemy isn't
a supernatural monster, just a dude that has a severe neck injury and a gun,
they should feel a little bit more empowered to just get the fuck out of there.
There are
some pretty shots of the Australian sky, and
John Jarratt that plays Mick puts
in an entertaining performance, but the negatives far outweigh the positives for
me. Most heinous is the notion that this is a true story (just like every
horror movie from the 2000s). If that's so, only Ben's story would be accurate.
And since his story is waking up crucified, and escaping without incident, 100%
of the English girls' scenes would be made up (including the only proof that Mick had anything to do with them being stranded). However, the reality is, much like every horror film that
advertises being based on true events,
Wolf Creek is based on true events that
are in no way represented by what's shown in the film. Inspired by real life
events might be more accurate to claim.
In the last
year of fascist Italy during World War 2, four of the richest men in the
country assemble their daughters, four old prostitutes, four well-endowed
soldiers, nine teenage boys and nine teenage girls (the teenagers taken by
force) for what the men consider the greatest of orgies. The captives are told
that they have no rights, and are thought to be dead by their loved ones. Then
it gets dark. Based on the equally infamous
120 Days of Sodom by the
Marquis de Sade (and a little tiny bit of Dante’s
Inferno),
Salo is split into four parts;
the Anteferno, the Circle of Manias, the Circle of Shit and the Circle of Blood
and the events in each segment follow those overarching themes (including rape,
shit-eating [and more rape], and finally torture and dismemberment). That's
pretty much the entire plot. No one gets away. The end.
While it
sounds like
the aristocrats, this movie is notorious for being utterly vile,
but also lauded for being expressive and beautiful. I try to be really
analytical when I watch these films, and I knew I'd have my work cut out for me
with
Salo. I will be the first to admit that it is technically brilliant.
Almost any shot in the film could be a painting - you rarely get to see horror
films this pretty. Director Pasolini films everything from a distance (except
for the gruesomeness of the finale), which serves to really make the viewer
feel like a voyeur. The message of the film is that power corrupts everything
it touches (even some of the teenagers rat out their fellows in an attempt to
escape harm). It is stark, and unfeeling in its portrayal of evil deeds being
done to young people. Even in the finale, when many of the young ones are
scalped and otherwise mutilated, we cannot hear the activity - merely the music
that the spying fascist listens to. It's all done in such a removed fashion,
that you can't help but feel part of the show. And on that level,
Salo is a
remarkable film that utterly succeeds in bringing its audience to the point of
feeling disturbed. And it is for this unbelievably effective method of using
the camera to convey this, as well as the sheer beauty of the film, I give it
its controversially high rating.
But that's
about all I can say in its defense. Ironically, while I certainly wouldn't
consider Salo tame, I think a life of watching whatever the hell I want to see,
whenever I want to see it on the internet has largely desensitized me to the
less outrageous moments in the film (that or watching a horror movie a day in
October). While I'll admit there's a lot more going on in this movie
technically, I cannot recommend more strongly that you keep the fuck away from
it. It's definitely not the kind of thing most human beings ever want to be
subjected to. Any moments of levity in the film are pretty grave, and because
the protagonists are depraved monsters that can't (and won't) be stopped, this
film is indescribably difficult to watch. You'll have a lot of trouble seeing
its merits if you're expecting any narrative at all. Or expecting a happy
ending. There is no hope in Salo, for its victims or for the viewer. You're
just there to watch. Really, this film writes the book on the old content vs.
form debate when it comes to cinema. Salo's content is monstrous, nigh
unwatchable, but the way it presents it is both stylistically perfect and
perversely intelligent.
Two cars are
intentionally redirected from the highway to Atlanta by locals of Pleasant
Valley. These cars, containing three couples from up North, are stopped in town
by overenthusiastic Mayor Buckman, and the Yankees are informed that they're
guests of honor of Pleasant Valley's centennial celebration. This basically
amounts to the locals dividing the men and women from one another, and
murdering them in sadistic, far-fetched ways (the tamest being axe murder, the
wildest being rolled down a hill in a barrel full of nails). One of the guests,
history teacher Tom White, quickly deduces that the centennial is celebrating
the end of the Civil War, leading he and Terry, one of the ladies, to escape
(which is surprisingly easy, when they fool a local child into helping them).
Tom and Terry make it to the state police, who seem dubious of their story -
Pleasant Valley hasn't existed for 100 years. The survivors attempt to lead the
officer to the town, but found it has vanished. And sure enough, the final
scene confirms that the entire town of Pleasant Valley were vengeful ghosts all
along.
This film,
like all Herschell Gordon Lewis films, is a vehicle for its gore effects. When made
in the mid-60s, Lewis was a pioneer of special effects to simulate disgusting
wounds. This is only the second film by Lewis, and while you can argue that it
has a more cohesive plot than some of his other work, those effects just aren't
very special any more. In fact, of all the slayings, only the first shows any
class (a pretty real looking thumb severing, followed by an arm being hacked
off with an axe). The rest is just a lot of red paint and suggestion.
There's
nothing uniform about the film. From the performances of the actors, to the
dissolution of tension due to (probably) improvised lines, to sound levels that are consistently off, pretty much
everything is amateur. There's a pretty lively bluegrass soundtrack that was
probably recorded just for the film, and sure enough, the band is part of the
cast. Sadly, the effects in this one aren't even half as sick as the ones in
the only other Lewis film
I've seen,
The Wizard of Gore. I gave that one an F
too. The trade-off between the two films is that
Two Thousand Maniacs! is a
better finished product overall, but the main event - those proto-gore effects
I keep mentioning - are just crappy by comparison to Lewis' later film. Neither
one are truly great films, though both of them have more than a few
unintended laughs, so, at least you have that to look forward to.
Bea and Paul
are on their honeymoon, in a cottage up in Canada, owned by Bea's family.
However, on their first night there, Paul finds Bea sleepwalking naked in the
woods. Following this, Bea starts exhibiting strange behavior, such as not
remembering how to make coffee, and forgetting many details of her relationship
with Paul. When Paul discovers what looks like bite marks on Bea's inner
thighs, he suspects her of carrying out an affair with Will, a childhood friend
of Bea's that operates a restaurant nearby. Paul goes to confront Will, but can
only find his haggard wife, Annie. Annie displays a lot of the same symptoms as
Bea, and warns Paul to get away from her. Back at the house, Paul is confronted
by Bea - who has been impregnated by aliens, and is trying to save Paul from a
grisly extra-terrestrial fate.
I didn't
enjoy this one too much, as it takes far too long to get to its admittedly
decent twist ending. The breadcrumbs of what's happened to Bea are not
impossible to note as the film progresses, but a large part of Honeymoon is Bea
obviously lying to Paul, and Paul being miserable. And saying things over and
over and over again. This does have a purpose, we need to have the things
discussed ingrained in us to make us understand that Bea is being
body-snatched. But when the tension is largely kept between two characters, it
gets old fast.
Though,
again, I must admit, the ending is a neat one, when compared to the rest of the
film. Because of the film's setting (a cabin in the woods) and Bea's
sleepwalking, you expect this one to take a supernatural turn, not a Sci-fi
one. But even so, it's too little too late. You never once believe that Bea is
all right. And having her try to convince Paul (and thereby convince us) that
she is as the central drama of the film is a waste of the viewer's time. This
could have potentially been thwarted by including Annie and Will in the story
slightly more (literally the only other characters in the story), but since Annie is a major clue to Bea's condition, this isn't
done. To make matters worse, the film is also shot in a fairly boring fashion.
We get a lot of close ups on faces to show the actors emotions, but not a lot of
long shots to show anything else.
It is the mid-1600s,
and England is embroiled in a civil war. The loyalists to the King are
seemingly losing to Cromwell's Parliamentary army. In the wake of the chaos, a
man named Matthew Hopkins (played by MMMMM favorite, Vincent Price) is a lawyer
that has been given special privilege to seek out and destroy witches. He and
his reprehensible partner, John Sterne, travel the countryside, summoned by
townsfolk as they go to murder pretty much anyone the communities want to see
gone. Hopkins and Sterne aren't above such things as bribery, rape and other
such horrors, and they employ questionable methods of torture (my favorite was
stabbing a man in the back four times before having a couple of goons run him
around the room in circles). One of their victims however, is Sara, who gives
herself willingly to Hopkins in an attempt to save her father from his justice.
Hopkins accepts her offered body, but Sterne rapes her not long after, and then
they kill her father anyway (who knew how to swim, and therefore was an obvious
minion of Satan). Sara's betrothed, Richard Marshall, is a Parliamentary
soldier, who promises revenge on Hopkins. The rest of the film is largely a cat
and mouse game, with Marshall first chasing Hopkins, and then Marshall being
stalked, and convicted by Hopkins. The over-very-quickly finale has Marshall’s
men arriving at the very last moment to watch him free himself and brutally
slay Hopkins and Sterne (Sara's fate is unclear).
Witchfinder
General (or, as it is better known, The Conqueror Worm) is largely an adventure epic, starting with a tense battle scene, and
constantly referring to the civil war. In fact, the only real horrific scenes
are the executions, which the film takes great pains to explain to us are
horrible affairs. But, in doing so, and by showing us the gleeful faces of the
audiences, it truly sets the mood for the period correctly. Most of the film is
shot outdoors, which lends a sort of authenticity to what you're watching -
it's impossible to realistically light many of the shots, leading to some
fantastic shadows, but also has a habit of obscuring what's on screen.
It's a shame
the finale happens so quickly, as the confrontation between Marshall and
Hopkins is such a driving force that it can't help but be dramatic - which I
suppose it is. Marshall stomps Sterne's eye into goop, and then dispatches
Hopkins with an axe, the result of which is probably the most bloodless axe
murdering I've seen on screen. But because of how fast it wraps up, we aren't
really given much reflection on the events, or any closure for the characters.
Still, given the dressing of almost every shot in the film, this is a minor
complaint, and Witchfinder General is an excellent Vincent Price selection
(even if he plays it entirely straight - I tend to likes my Vincent Price
hammy).
We open on
the murder of Professor Harrington at the hands of a demon. Enter John Holden,
an American author that is traveling to England to speak at a convention for
paranormal investigators. Holden is a skeptic, through and through, that is
startled to learn of Harrington’s death. Holden was a colleague of his, and now
must take over his speaking points at the convention, chiefly an expose of the
satanist cult led by Doctor Karswell. Learning that Harrington met with Karswell
the night he was killed, Holden soon finds himself constantly encountering Karswell, who naturally wants him to drop the
exposé. When Holden refuses, Karswell curses him to die in three nights.
Meanwhile, Holden has met with Harrington’s colleagues and niece, Joanna. Holden
takes a liking to Joanna immediately, but she warns him to take the curse more
seriously. Eventually, Holden learns that Karswell has slipped a piece of runed
paper on his person, which is both the source of his curse and his chance of
survival. All Holden has to do is get Karswell to take the paper back, before
the demon comes for his soul.
For a 50s
movie, there's a lot to like about Curse of the Demon. The action proceeds at a
good pace, we have a suitable villain in Karswell (who even dresses up like a
clown and invites children over on Halloween), and the familiar struggle of
science vs. faith. The latter isn't a fresh premise, but it is handled better
here than by most films of its day. There aren't many surprises, in terms of
where the story goes, but frankly, there doesn't really need to be. Of course
Holden is going to crush Karswell! Holden is a total hunk, and Karswell is a
weird little man with a goatee, that lives with his mother (who unwittingly
betrays Karswell to Holden and Joanna many, many times), and turns magic
tricks, in clownface, for strange children. It's no contest. But getting there
is the story, and it's a rich one. Typical of bigger budget films for its time,
Night of the Demon is spectacularly lit, features great outdoor scenery (spooky
woods!), and even has a scene where a house cat turns into a jaguar and
wrestles a dude.
The special
effects used in the film are sparing. You only see the demon at the very start
and finale of the film. While the creature effect is impressive, it is perhaps
overly ambitious, and ultimately shows the limitations of its age. Thankfully,
director Tourneur (who also directed the excellent genre classic I Walked With a Zombie) understands that the story is driven by character, and Holden
struggling to maintain skepticism in the face of obvious satanistic entities
(if a fucking demon shows up to murder you, it’s kind of hard to argue God
probably exists) is a strong arc thanks to his fantastic direction. Unless you have some bizarre aversion to
black and white films, this is a solid choice to treat yourself to.
Two friends,
Lindsay and Jenny, are traveling across Europe, when they run into car trouble
in Germany. At a loss, and incapable of speaking the language, the two stumble
upon the home of Dr. Heiter, who thankfully speaks English. Heiter is at first
welcoming, but after serving the girls dosed water, he makes it clear he has
darker intentions. Lindsay and Jenny awaken to find themselves strapped to
hospital beds, alongside another man Heiter has abducted. This man is killed by
Heiter, and is soon replaced by a Japanese man (the credits call him Katsuro,
but he’s never properly introduced) the doctor finds elsewhere. He reveals his
wicked scheme to the trio; he intends to stitch them into a single creature, a
human centipede. After explaining that teeth will be removed and mouths will be
grafted to anuses, the Katsuro and Jenny are sedated, but Lindsay manages to
free herself. Heiter and Lindsay play cat and mouse for a while, but eventually
Lindsay is recaptured, and Heiter informs her she will be the centre segment.
Heiter performs the surgery, with the Katsuro at the front, Lindsay in the
middle as promised, and Jenny at the rear. Heiter breaks their spirit, and
almost has them convinced escape is futile. Just then, two police officers
arrive to interrogate Heiter about the missing tourists. Heiter, who had been
inspecting the centipede and determined Jenny’s imminent death from an
infection around her jaw, admits the officers and drugs them, with the intent
of using them to replace her. During their interrogation, Heiter refuses their
demand to search the premises, prompting the officers to leave and obtain a
search warrant (their roofies have yet to kick in). Heiter is then ambushed by
the centipede, which managed to get its hands on a scalpel. This leads to a low
speed chase as the centipede attempts to escape, and a wounded Heiter pursues
them. When cornered, the Katsuro dramatically takes his own life. Before Heiter
can react, the police return, just starting to feel the effects of Heiter's
drugs. In the final confrontation, Heiter and both police officers are killed,
and soon after Jenny succumbs to her infection and dies. Lindsay is the only
one left alive, but she is stitched between two dead bodies, and cannot move.
I wasn't
expecting a lot from The Human Centipede: First Sequence, and it was a pleasant
surprise. The reputation that this film has garnered has led some to believe it
is the grossest movie ever made, but in truth (and when compared to films that
might actually deserve that title, like Salo), it's actually fairly tame. The
surgery scene is blissfully short, and doesn't show any connection of ass to
mouth. There is only one brief scene of the... Um... Recycling of food (and
only from Katsuro to Lindsay, not all the way down the chain), and though
the finale was fairly bloody, even this isn't overdone. The principle setting,
Heider's home, is very well photographed throughout, often seeming like a
perplexing labyrinth when characters chase one another through it. I'd even go
as far to say that The Human Centipede: First Sequence is an absurd, dark comedy with a supremely
dry tone. The starkly bleak ending really drives this home. The devil in this
one is in the details – for example, Katsuro being the head of the centipede, is only able
to speak Japanese, a language no other character in the film understands. Neither of the girls can speak, due to their surgery. Concepts like this are inherently
charming (in a sick way). To director Six’s credit, he never takes
a moment to allow the characters to pick up on this small absurdities or the
audience to reflect on his sense of humor, he just keeps the story moving.
The true
problem with the film, in my opinion, is that not enough happens. Really, it's
just a cookiecutter mad scientist story that managed to hype its way into
everyone's deepest fears. Heiter abducts people, one tries to escape, fails,
the experiment happens, and the fallout destroys everything it touches. If you
don't care for horror movies, or aren't super familiar with the genre, I can
see this movie being repulsive. But if you know about the actual hard to watch
stuff, The Human Centipede: First Sequence is kind of mediocre. And what's more,
director Tom Six has gone on to direct a sequel, The Human Centipede II (Full
Sequence), which actually pulls out all the stops. As it stands, this film
isn't bad, not at all, but it’s not really anything noteworthy either. Not even
for its gross-out moments. It's a novelty at best.
------
And so ends the Monster Mash Movie Marathon Month for another year, gang! I'll be posting a little something to summarize my films by grade, and to thank everyone for putting up with my endless stream of horror quotes (and conversations) through the month. Thank you very much for reading, and I hope to see you all right here next year.
