Monster Mash Movie Marathon Month 2017 - Week 2

Well, well, well, what have we here? Another week of movie reviews from your blood-watching movie guy -- ME!

A much more middle of the road week, if you examine grades alone, but there were some very disappointing moments for me, personally. I've never given a Vincent Price OR Larry Cohen movie grades this low. Am I getting jaded? Were these actually subpar films? Even reading my reviews can't answer that for you, but they can offer an opinion!

How do I rate things, again??

A = Excellent, a must see
B = Very good, I’d watch it again
C = Worth Seeing
D = Maybe don’t bother
F = Worthless
+ = Superior for this grade
- = Just barely makes it into this grade

And, as usual, KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR THINGS THAT APPEAR TO BE SPOILERS. I'm trying real hard not to do it to you this year, but it's very possible I've fucked that up.

Now, with no further adieu, let's jump right in....

Blue Sunshine (Jeff Lieberman) - D+

Jerry Zipkin gets drawn into a mad conspiracy when one of his best friends flips out and burns three women to death in a fireplace. It would appear Jerry's friend, Frannie, was one of a handful of Stanford graduates who bought blue sunshine acid during the 60s. This particular strain, taken ten years ago, is now causing all sorts of folks to lose all of their hair, and suffer a total psychotic break! Zipkin struggles to uncover the truth of blue sunshine, and who is to blame for it's dispersal, before more Innocents are killed by these LSD-lovin' maniacs.

Ironically, like many films I subjected myself to this week, Blue Sunshine borrows from several other films to achieve its feel: Romero's The Crazies is chief among these, though there's a certain feeling akin to the early works of Cronenberg (specifically Shivers and Rabid - before he went all body horror). The trouble with that, in this case, is that both of those movies have way more class than this one. All aforementioned films feature amateur talent, but there's a lot more going on in Romero and Cronenberg's films. All you've got going on here is a weird mystery, being solved by a dud of a protagonist. It's pretty lame, which is a shame given its fun premise, and proven director (I vastly preferred Lieberman's previous genre film, Squirm).

One weird thing I'll mention: throughout the film, the audience is subjected to campaign commercials and rallies for Ed Flemming, a Stanford grad that's running for Congress. Flemming eventually plays a role in the story, but for the most part, he's a rich kid using his reputation to gain power. The last lines of Blue Sunshine feature a campaign speech from Flemming, where he ends with the slogan 'Make America Good Again'. I understand Reagan used MAGA before Donald Trump, so it's not completely out of left field, but it certainly ended this otherwise unnotable film on an unnerving note.

As Above, So Below (John Eric Dowdle) - D+

Scarlett is the daughter of a world famous adventurer that passed away trying to find the legendary philosopher's stone. After a brief prologue in Iran, Scarlett winds up in France, where she recruits Benji, a videographer and George, her intrepid ex boyfriend, who conveniently speaks Aramaic. The trio desecend into the famous Parisian catacombs, along with some local guides, where Scarlett is sure the stone can be found. Soon, every character is equipped with a GoPro camera, and a complexly cut found footage film follows.

Now, I like found footage, and I've seen a lot of it. Right out of the gate, there's a couple things you should stay away from when going about making this sub-genre. Chief among these is showing your primary camera person. My favourite found footage movie, 2007's rec., manages to go the entire film without showing you the cameraman (somehow this was bungled by its almost shot-for-shot remake, Quarantine). As Above, So Below breaks this rule almost constantly, showing us Benji at least a dozen times before the GoPro cameras appear, further giving the filmmakers license to do this. This might seem nitpicky, but consider actual 'found footage' from real life. In fact, consider most cellphone videos. Most of the time, the camera person is filming, not handing the camera off so they can have a scene. Showing the person filming tends to destroy the realism of this kind of movie (there are exceptions, but not many), and As Above, So Below is an offender.

But wait, there's more: the film manages to evoke an atmosphere of dread by way of its haunting, dimly-lit, claustrophobic setting. Yet almost always, the building tension is dissipated by the need to remind us that Scarlett is a font of lore from ancient civilisations by way of a ten minute history lesson. So drastic are the shifts when these moments occur that any fear the movie may have managed to create vanishes, and you're reminded, once more, that you're watching a product, not something realistic. Then you've got your cheap scares (the man in the black cloak, for example, looks like he arrived on set fresh from the Halloween store, as an example), which can certainly be startling, but without context of what's happening - which you don't get until the last few minutes - anything could be on that screen with loud enough music, and you'd be similarly effected.

Still, there's some enjoyable aspects. Well, really just the setting. There's moments in the first half that show promise, but they're a fondly forgotten memory by the time the characters reach the treasure. Even the gore is sparing, which I'm sure there was reason for, but might have saved some face. Ultimately this one disappointed me.

Scream and Scream Again (George Hessler) - D-

A bizarre series of murders breaks out in England, leaving local police to blunder around trying to find the culprit. A mysterious foreign power appears to have some involvement, as the mysterious Schwietz appears, delivering fatal neck pinches to anyone he comes into contact with. Something of a protagonist eventually appears for Vincent Price to explain the plot to, but by that point, the movie is almost over...

Well, it finally happened, I watched a bad Vincent Price movie (in an AIP film, no less). Usually, this MMMMM darling manages to save any mediocre film he stars in, but the absolutely vapid plot threatens to drown this movie in failure. Much ado about Price starring alongside Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, but Cushing is in literally one scene, and Lee's character doesn't even grace the screen until after the halfway point. It's a ruse, dear friends!

And how about that plot? It's pretty confusing. The foreign power that dominates almost half the film is ill-defined (is it supposed to be Germany?), and doesn't even seem connected to the action in England. Only when Johnny Neck-Pinch (aka Schwietz) shows up to off the police chief do we start to see cohesion (and by that point, it's too little, too late).

The primary offence of the picture concerns the middle 30 minutes, wherein a killer gets into a complicated pursuit with some policemen. It's essentially a 30 minute chase scene that ends with no satisfying conclusion (the killer we were watching through most of the movie is dispatched, but nothing comes of it). Given the all ready awkward pacing here, Scream and Scream Again didn't need a chase scene that lasted a third of its runtime.

I'll see you next year, Vince, and hopefully we can put all of this behind us.

The Mist (Frank Darabont) - C-

After a big storm knocks a tree on their house, David, along with his young son and neighbour, Mr. Norton (Brooklyn Nine-Nine's Andre Braugher) set off from their sleepy Maine cottage country to the local hardware store. While inside, a mysterious fog covers the town, and the occupants of the store quickly learn monsters lurk out in the mist. So begins a multi-day siege while the hardware store customers attempt to batten down and weather the hungry computer-graphics trying to devour them. Things are tense inside, as the pious Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden) seeks to assume command of the hardware store's denizens through divine right. Will David be able to escape the mist and find safety? Boy, you'd sure hope so...

It's hard to pin down exactly why this movie wasn't better. It could be the ham-handed melodrama that is served up throughout (with a particularly polarising ending -- I was on the dislike side, since there was no logical reason for the film to end the way it did). It could be the questionable length (very little happens in The Mist's two hours, so far making it the longest film of MMMMM2017) or pacing (why does everyone turn into such an asshole so fast?). It could be the Steven King source material, which, I've gone on record saying is usually a detriment. It could also be the numerous digital effects that look horribly dated ten years later. Whatever the case, a lot about The Mist is aggravating to the viewer.

But there are things to like! Probably the chief aspect to be enjoyed are the performances. Marcia Gay Harden steals the show, but some of the supporting cast (shout out to my boy, Ollie, played by Toby Jones - the true hero of the film) also stand out. The premise (a group of people are under siege in a hardware store by Lovecraftian monsters) is a good one too. The few practical effects used, such as a swollen insect sting, look great - you just wish there were more of them. While there's certainly polished parts, a lot of The Mist feels like missed opportunities, with a dash of being a product of its time.

The Void (Jeremy Gillespie & Steven Kostanski) - C+

Daniel is a police officer working a lonely beat somewhere in remote Canada. He finds a staggering man on the highway who appears to be hurt, so Daniel checks him into a local hospital, where his ex-wife works as an overnight nurse. Almost immediately, things turn sinister when another nurse slays a patient, before turning into a tentacled monster of hulking proportions, and mysterious cultists armed with blades surround the hospital. Two men, an unnamed father and son, fight their way through the cultists, demanding to kill the man Daniel rescued earlier. Daniel quickly negotiates a truce, leading to the reveal that the hospital itself is the source of these evil occurrences, and it's up to Daniel and his motley crew to end the villainous cult leader (who - surprise! - has been there, under their noses, all along) before he unleashes hell on Earth.

As so often seems to be the case this year, the first act of The Void is superb. The pacing is excellent, the effects are fantastic and old school (and very much borrowed from John Carpenter's The Thing). Leading man Aaron Poole, as Daniel, is an enjoyable protagonist (and woefully ineffective when the film is at its best), though many of the supporting characters don't rise to his level. The creature effects are very gruesome and satisfying (even if you can't tell what you're looking at sometimes), and considering this film was chiefly financed by a $100,000 Kickstarter, what appears on screen are amazingly effective practical effects. The influences (Carpenter's Thing, as mentioned, but there's also shades of sci-fi horror classic Event Horizon, as well as Stuart Gordon's From Beyond) are transparent, but handled far more lovingly than those in... Oh, let's say Blue Sunshine.

The troubles begin once the opening premise is established, and Daniel and friends have to start doing things. The entire trip to the basement sequence feels shoehorned at best, and rushed at worst (the second act of the film plods along, so that the action-packed third act throws a lot at you to process in a short amount of time). As characters begin to die, it really highlights how poor some of the supporting cast are (I don't wanna name names, but there's a pregnant girl's grandpa in the film, and he shouldn't be). Despite this, The Void is a worthwhile film, and don't let my being Canadian trick you into thinking I'm being easy on it: I'm notoriously unimpressed by Canadian Cinema.

It Lives Again (Larry Cohen) - D

Following the tragic events of It's Alive, devastated father, Frank Davis is working with a handful of doctors to try and save the killer babies before they're destroyed by police. He approaches young couple Gene and Jodie Scott, who eventually come around to Frank's point of view, when Jodie goes into labour and is surrounded by armed police. Frank absconds with Gene and the baby, where it is revealed Davis' group has two more killer babies all ready, for a total of three. Before long, the babies get loose and start wreaking havoc, leading Gene and Jodie to join the police in an attempt to polish off the threat.

Another bitter film experience for me, I'm afraid, as this is the first Larry Cohen movie I haven't outright loved. It's only natural that not everything a director releases will be up to code (or maybe I'm just too into other Cohen films and had supremely high expectations). Whatever the case, It Lives Again feels boring. The story is complex by comparison to the first film, which may be the root of the problem, and that isn't helped by much of the events of the first film being un-referenced, but mandatory viewing.

Cohen comes from a place of slowly ekeimg his monster out, like the classic B-Movies of old, but in It Lives Again, it is almost criminal how much is held back: when one of the babies is slain, an image of it in profile appears on screen for a split second before the character confronting it shoots it, but he may as well be shooting at the ground, for all we know. Flashing what he's aiming at for a couple of frames before he kills it is not a move from the basic language of cinema. And that's only one example.

Are there laughs? Yes, of course. But even then, there doesn't seem to be enough of them. Even the first kill, ostensibly just a puppet claw dancing around a surgeon's face, looks extra cheap, and doesn't excite you for more to come. You also won't find anything engaging about the cast. I'm now a little worried for my assured viewing of It's Alive III: Island of the Alive next year, but, at least that one stars Cohen leading man Michael Moriarty, so it can't be this bad, right? And even if it is, we'll always have The Stuff...

Prevenge (Alice Lowe) - B+

Ruth is murdering the people she believes responsible for the death of her partner. Her unborn daughter drives her on, whispering terrible truths to her mother, and keeping her to task. Though her doctor counsels caution and rest, Ruth is a true chameleon, stepping from identity to identity to dispatch ugly character after ugly character. Whether she's out for a night on the town, going for a job interview or posing as a charity worker, there's no killer more successful than a single mother. Will Ruth successfully fulfil her bloody mission before the baby comes?

Prevenge is an absolute scream, and triple threat Alice Lowe (Writer, Director and Star) is a big part of the reason. Her performance is absolutely solid, and she is beset upon by a cast of absolutely terrible human beings. From the piggish DJ Dave to the mistrusting fitness queen Len (played by Game of Thrones' Gemma Whalen), you don't really shed a tear for Ruth's victims. Similarly, Lowe's eye for cinematography is quite excellent, with many of the visuals being captivating despite having a seemingly minuscule budget. Thanks to these strengths, Prevenge was the highlight of my week.

The film's dark sense of humour is relentless, from each gory, but usually fitting, murder to Ruth's excellent comedic interactions with her doctor. Perhaps the best sequence of the film involves Ruth painting her face like a monstrous skull (all the while getting a peptalk from baby), before taking her supremely pregnant self to a Halloween party to take care of some business. While played for laughs, her choice of costume is surprisingly eerie and shows the film will continue to surprise you with effective visuals. A wonderful contrast to the disappointing It Lives Again.


And so we draw a close to another week of horror movies. Don't you worry, though, there's another week looming just ahead. Tonight I'll be enjoying (I hope) seminal 80s horror film The Monster Squad (hopefully at my local art house theatre!), so that, at least is on the docket for the week. Find out what I think of this, and six other films, next week around this time!

Monster Mash Movie Marathon Month - Week 3

A day late, sure, but the content's all here, my lovelies.

This was a much more middle-of-the-road week (most of the entries are Cs or Ds. Sigh.), but there were some laughs to be sure.  Quite a few garnered a C+, but that seems kind of too convenient at the time of this writing (something, something, bell curve at the end of the month). An odd trifecta of 'show-biz' movies happened quite by accident (Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence > Madhouse > Targets), but was a pleasant surprise. The latter two films were more poignant in this regard, but don't be fooled, HC2 is also very much about show business (revolving around one specific film, but more on that later).

Here's how the grading system works:

A = Excellent, a must see

B = Very good, I’d watch it again

C = Worth Seeing

D = Maybe don’t bother

F = Worthless

+ = Superior for this grade

- = Just barely makes it into this grade

I caught some cross-talk for grading again (happens every year), so, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you folks that if it's not an F, I liked the movie at least a little (D's are usually a single element). So don't fret if I gave a movie you love a poor score - I'm just one man, with one set of tastes. 

On the subject of movies you love, I SPOIL EVERYTHING this week. It might not be in the first paragraph (see below review), but I absolutely do not care to hold things back. If you have a problem with this, close your browser and come back after you've seen the film (or maybe just skip to the next one... that's probably better for me). 

Let's get to it: 

The VVitch (Robert Eggers) - C+

It's early in the process of colonizing America, and William and his family choose to be exiled from their plantation somewhere in New England. They build a cabin and are fine, for a time, but events conspire to turn against them when baby Samuel vanishes while in the care of their eldest daughter, Thomasin. The family is overwrought, but it only gets worse when eldest son Caleb goes missing too. The family turns on one another, mostly blaming Thomasin (she's the perfect age for witchcraft). She hopes her name will be cleared once she finds Caleb, naked and hanging off the goat pen. The family rallies their frontier medicine to try and save the boy, but he dies, leaving the mother aghast, and the remaining children point fingers at one another desperately to escape punishment. William boards the rest of his children in the goat pen for the night, but the next morning, he wakes to find everything in the pen, except Thomasin, dead.  And that’s when the goat comes at him…

Look, straight up, this might be a better movie than I'm letting on. I can't argue that it's beautifully shot, nor that every single actor in it does a great job (even the child actors, who drive a good portion of the story). The supernatural effects are sparing, but effectively done (Caleb spitting up an apple was my favorite). The gore effects are few, but effective and realistic when they appear. The technical aspects of the film are nearly flawless.

Where it lost me was the story, especially the ending, in which everyone but Thomasin dies, and she wanders into the wilderness after she makes a pact with the devil (who suddenly appears on screen and is… some kind of thespian?) to becomes a witch herself. I've heard theories that this implies she was indeed a witch the whole movie, but I don't see how that's possible when a different woman takes Caleb, and another woman is in the goat pen when she and her younger siblings are boarded inside. Even the fact that Black Phillip, one of the family goats, was a conduit to Satan was an idea introduced too late into the movie that I can't help but feel it was a lazy decision (the only possible lead up to this choice was it having the same color eyes as the witch rabbit that was running around the woods). If you take the ending literally - that they're being plagued by a witch - then a bunch of the choices made by the characters are puzzling. For example, why not scour the woods for evil before immediately declaring your children the pawns of Satan? It all feels a little convenient, which, in a movie with strengths in so many other ways, is almost tragic. I felt cheated. It's still worth watching for its merits, though, and they are ample.

Elves (Jeff Mendel) - F

Kirsten, and her friends Amy and Brooke, go out into the woods to perform a ritual. It seems not to work, but – surprise, surprise - it does. Meanwhile, Mike, an ex-cop/ex security guard manages to get a job as a Santa after the last Santa mysteriously gets his balls cut off. The two characters unite when Kirsten's after-hours party at work is gunned down by some Germans. Mike, who happens to have been one of the greatest detectives on the force, quickly uncovers a Nazi conspiracy to crossbreed the creature with a perfect genetic sample to engineer a master race. Things get dicier still when it is revealed that Kirsten just so happens to be that perfect genetic sample (her ancestry, as it turns out, would make the Lannisters look normal), and she must be the mother of Elves. The only possible hope of salvation for Kirsten comes in the form of shoving a crystal back into the original hole she summoned the Elf out of in the first place. Gotta love when these things come full-circle.

This is a notoriously awful direct-to-video effort, starring Dan Haggerty, aka Grizzly Adams. His delivery is pretty unbelievable on some lines, but this might be the only charming aspect to the movie. There are kill scenes, but the gore is cheap. You get the occasional look at bare boobs or lingerie-clad ladies, but given the material they're disrobing for, you kind of feel bad for them. Everywhere Elves tries to win you over, it fails.

The premise, Nazis using mythical elves to form a master race, is pretty out there. The story happens on a pretty small scale, though, so it barely strays into irreverent Nazi humor. The only actress that pulls out a decent performance is Kirsten's reprehensible mother (who drowns the family cat, Agamemnon, in the toilet). She is a woman you'll absolutely love to hate, until she gets electrocuted in her bathtub. It has some wacky moments for sure, but there's better low budget efforts that achieve this end more successfully.

ZaAT (Don Barton & Arnold Stevens) - D-

Dr. Leopold will be laughed at no more. He injects himself with glowing goo, and turns into his ultimate weapon; ZaAT. A human/catfish hybrid. While still flying under the radar, the nightmarishly slow ZaAT first disposes of his colleagues that ridiculed his ideas, and injects his mutating agent (which, naturally, is highly radioactive) into local waterways to further his wicked schemes. But when he changes his focus to procuring a bride (by stealing ladies and giving them the ZaAT formula), he attracts the attention of the local sheriff, and Rex, a marine biologist. Finding that the local lakes and rivers are filthy with radiation, Rex calls in Walker and Martha from INPIT, a dedicated ecological survey organization. Will the combined forces of local law enforcement combined with INPIT be able to stop ZaAT? Or will he kill them all and spread his plague to the ocean?

It's the latter. And while this film is amateur to its celluloid bones, there's a lot of fun to be had with ZaAT. From the endless footage of marine life that pads the film's run-time, from the actor wearing the ZaAT suit (it's a rubber suit, in case you couldn't tell) constantly stumbling, to the most superficial wounds being fatal, to a soundtrack with lyrics written about the film, this baby is packed with the very best of b-movie charm. The sexual tension between the two INPIT employees is atrocious. The sheriff is a surprisingly charming character, who sits in on hippie love-ins, and then persuades the whole pack of them to get locked up in the county jail overnight - for their protection, of course. These gives the film a bit of goofy color, and I could not fail the film outright.

But, at the end of the day, ZaAT is a rubber-suited monster almost falling over, and terrorizing people around a body of water. It has heart, and it's certainly not the most godawful piece of crap under the sun, but it is definitely limited. But, when you compare it to something like Elves, ZaAT definitely feels like a cut above.

The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence (Tom Six) - C-

Martin is a deeply troubled man that works the security desk in a parking garage. He is also obsessed with the original Human Centipede movie. So obsessed, in fact, that he's been cooking up his own little plan: a human centipede made out of twelve people (four times the original number). Using his trusty gun and crowbar, Martin manages to get his dirty dozen - including an actress from the first film, Ashlynn Yennie, by lying to her agent and claiming she was up for a Tarantino audition - killing his mother, psychiatrist and a few other rotten apples in the process. Of course, Martin isn't a surgeon, like Dr. Heiter in the first film, so a lot of the work he does is... Let's say... Shoddy. He knocks teeth out with a hammer, injects them with laxatives so he can watch them poop, and otherwise torments them. Eventually, one of the pieces does manage to escape (a daring escape it is, though it is not without penalty), and then the damn thing comes apart, so it's back to the drawing board for Martin, and nighty night for the big centipede.

You're probably not going to believe this, but Centipede 2 is actually a pretty engaging movie. I absolutely can't recommend it, as it is blatantly disgusting in many, many different ways (if you've seen it, you might notice I pulled some punches in the above synopsis), yet, thematically, it's more interesting than its predecessor. Martin (who despite being a gross, little bastard is arguably our protagonist) never utters a word through the film, and the look and mannerism of actor Laurence R. Harvey is spot on. Martin has been tortured endlessly through life, and, if he wasn't on this reprehensible killing spree, probably would be subject to any number of awful fates himself (his mother attempts to murder him on screen BEFORE she finds out about his obsession, his psychiatrist is angling to use his sexually abusive past to rape him, and I'm sure that’s just the tip of his life's iceberg). You never feel bad for Martin (he is too disgusting to identify with), but you understand that a life so tragic has consequences. The first hour of the film is kind of sickly fascinating. You don't want Martin to succeed, but literally everyone he comes across is also a piece of shit, and with few exceptions, you don't feel bad for them either. It moves along at a good clip too, largely without dialogue. Add all this to the black and white filming, and you almost feel like you're watching the most intense student art film ever made

But, the last 30 minutes (the fateful surgery, and the events following it) are gross beyond measure. Definitely not for the faint of heart. Supposedly, Tom Six was given carte blanche to be as repugnant as he wanted, and he went big. Given the bleak world the characters live in, you don't expect anyone to make it (the escape was a genuine surprise), and sure enough, no one really does. As I've said, this is not a popcorn movie or something to watch on a date night, this one is for tortureporn fanatics, gorehounds and horror movie aficionados. I might not have given it an F, but John Q. Public almost certainly would.

Madhouse (Jim Clark) - B-

Paul Toombes seems to have it all. His Dr. Death a character, a fixture in 50s and 60s horror, is doing quite well, he has an excellent partnership with his writer, Henry, and he has just gotten engaged to Eleanor, a co-star. But, at a Hollywood party, Eleanor is decapitated, her body discovered by Paul, causing him to have a psychiatric break. Three years later, Paul is released, and Henry begins to push him back into his film franchise. Almost immediately though, the starlets working in his reboots are murdered. The film wants you to believe Toombes is hypnotized by seeing his old character on screen, compulsively causing him to slay people, but he's actually being framed by Henry. Henry had written the Dr. Death character for himself, and has carried a grudge against his old friend ever since Toombes got the part. Toombes only find this out by spectacularly faking his own death in a fire, and coming after Henry once everyone assumes he was done for. Classic Price.

Made by the same team that made MMMMM favorite The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Madhouse stars Vincent Price and Peter Cushing, and offers a silly, if not effective, look at the life of a horror star in the 70s. It's unlikely the character of Toombes is directly allegorical to Price, but one can't help but wonder, as the character rubs shoulders with genre icons playing themselves (friends of Price, like Basil Rathbone and Boris Karloff have fun cameos), if there's not a bit of Price in Toombes. The script is more or less a formality, with the slayings serving to drive the mystery ever onward. What you're really here to see is Price ham his way through confrontations, and otherwise be a darling of the silver screen.

But there's more to like: some of the gore effects are strikingly well done (like Eleanor's head coming off), and some of the kill scenes are downright hysterical (the killer skewers two grieving parents attempting to blackmail Toombes on a sword). This is all in keeping with Price's other 70s AIP efforts, and while Madhouse has more polish, I'd still say watch Phibes first, as it is arguably more entertaining (if not formulaic). Nevertheless, Madhouse is just good fun, and goofy to the extreme.

Targets (Peter Bogdanovich) - C+

Byron Orlok is a Hollywood horror star that long for retirement (played by horror movie legend Boris Karloff in the twilight of his own career). Bobby is a young man that has a few screws loose. These are our two protagonists, and they drive the movie in very different ways. Byron deals with trying to mysteriously get out of all acting-related appointments (including introducing one of his old movies at the local drive-in). Bobby, seemingly inexplicably, goes on a killing spree, first blowing away his inattentive wife, his mother, and some young fella helping them bring the groceries in. The two plots come together in the final act, when Byron has a change of heart and decides to make his drive-in appearance after all. Bobby just so happened to hole up at the same drive-in to lose the cops after the last leg of his shooting affair. Bobby, a crack shot thanks to his conservative father, has problems with fleeing his sniper nests, and an angry mob seeks him out after he causes more carnage. Byron finds him first, literally slaps him silly, and then the police take him away. The End.

It feels almost like you're watching two different movies. Bobby's story feels like pure exploitation cinema (how many people can this man gun down before he's stopped?), While Byron's story feels almost like an anachronistic drama. Who cares why grandpa doesn't want to make movies anymore? There's a dude taking shots at motorists on the freeway! Don't get me wrong, most of the fun moments in the movie happen in the Byron storyline. But that's not why anybody saw this movie - they came to watch a man snap and start shooting people. Surprisingly, however, for such a violent film, it's pretty light on gore (perhaps not that surprising, in 1968 gore effects were unheard of, except in super obscure gorehound features, such as the works of Herschell Gordon Lewis). All you get are smears of red paint, and even those are sparse.

I picked this film because it was highly regarded, and yet very few people bring up Targets in casual discussion of 60s horror cinema. I theorize that this likely has to do with the frightening rate at which many Americans seem to be saying 'fuck it', and gunning down as many people as they can these days. In the modern landscape of reality, Targets may hit a little too close to home. Most of the literature I’ve read on the film claim that Bobby was a Vietnam vet, but for the life of me, I do not recall seeing a scene in which this is explicitly stated or alluded to. At the time, this was a fresh premise that was likely seeking a new way to scare a movie-going audience. Now movie-goers need to watch out for a Bobby of their own.

So, how was the movie? A little uneven. Karloff steals the show as a doddering old star that wants to be done with his life. The implication of the ending is that he faced death (Bobby only grazes him in the head as he comes in for the slaps), and no longer has to worry about it. That's fine, I suppose. Ironically, Madhouse also deals with the story of an actor past his prime struggling to remain relevant. The difference is Madhouse comes at this theme from a fun angle, as opposed to a dramatic one. Writer/Director Peter Bogdanovich (who would go on to direct The Last Picture Show) also plays the part of Sammy, an aspiring nebbish scriptwriter that is incensed by Orlok not reading the screenplay he wrote before his sudden retirement. He's dating Orlok's assistant, Jenny (who happens to be Chinese - something the script reminds us endlessly). None of these goings-on are overly dramatic or captivating, and are a world away from the actions of Bobby, who, once he starts killing people, doesn't really say another word. What we end up with is almost a Hitchcockian thriller, but without a lot of the flair of the renowned master of suspense. Bogdanovich has a good eye for framing and unique cinematic shots, but the editing is kind of wacky here and there (This was a very early film in his repertoire, and today is considered the peer of directors like fellow Hitchcock-“Borrower” Brian de Palma and Francis Ford Coppola). Ultimately, Targets is a worthwhile film, but our modern expectations of this sort of violence make it feel awfully tame.

Cat People (Jacques Tourneur) - C+

Oliver and Irena fall in love after a conversation. Within a couple of months, they are married, but there is a problem: Irena, a native of Serbia, believes she will turn into a ferocious panther if she is roused by passion or jealousy, so no kissing (and presumably that goes double for making whoopee)! Oliver sets her up with a psychiatrist, Dr. Judd, but he's got other issues: his coworker Alice tells him she's in love with him, and darn it, he might just love her back. Irena gets wind of this, and begins stalking Alice. Oliver, wanting a simple annulment of his marriage attempts to reason with Irena, but instead, she almost ambushes him, along with Alice at their workplace. They manage to get Irena to come to her senses, and she flees to Dr. Judd. The good doctor attempts to make a move on her, leading her wild side out, and she slays him as a panther. Distraught, she runs to the local zoo, where she commits suicide by freeing a hungry, regular panther. Panthers, man! They'll fuckin' kill ya.

Cat People has all the charms of a well-made film of its day, but its supernatural elements are ill-defined. Director Tourneur is a visionary of camerawork (and possibly the best horror director of the 40s and 50s), but this feels inferior to his film I watched last year, Curse of the Demon. While you cannot argue that the film is breathtaking, both in set pieces and camera work, it's story is just a little slow to develop. Scenes that happen by midway through the film dispel any notion that Irena is wrong about what she is, so why continue to try and fool us? It would have been impossible for a 1940s film to reasonably fake a panther, but the tamed panther in the movie looks bored and confused. That's kind of how I felt too.

It's a rich film, full of dazzling sets, and a cracking romance. Scenes that seem inconsequential upon first viewing likely foreshadow later scenes (Irena feeds the zoo panther a dead canary earlier, likely a nod to her later slaying by that same panther). There are even some genuinely frightening moments (such as when Alice senses someone, or something, following her as she walks the streets at night. Visually, this is the best sequence of the entire film) But as grand as all this is, it has trouble holding up to other films of its ilk (I Walked With a Zombie, another superior Tourneur film, springs to mind). The leading actors do a good job, but much like the VVitch, I found myself wanting more from the story.

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The next week is already underway, starting with 1970's The Vampire Lovers. We're only just halfway through the month now, but the choices are getting fewer and fewer. For sure, this week, I'll be checking out the Canadian coming-of-age werewolf movie Ginger Snaps (Thursday!), and much, much more. 

See you next week, horror homies. 

Monster Mash Movie Marathon Month 2014 - Week 4

We are moving through this nicely, folks! Another week down, and only six movies left to finish her off.

Le rating scale:

A = Excellent, a must see

B = Very good, I’d watch it again

C = Worth Seeing

D = Maybe don’t bother

F = Worthless

+ = Superior for this grade

- = Just barely makes it into this grade

This week was a sad change from last, as we got a few more Fs. In fact, nothing except for the Vincent Price sequel, Dr. Phibes Rises Again got over a C+. But that's the nature of the genre. I've got to contend with both quality AND quantity here, and unfortunately, those two things often don't go hand in hand.

Nevertheless, I've written a little something about each movie, and now it's time to read. 

Pumpkinhead (Stan Winston) - C+

Ed Harley is a single father, whose son, Billy, means the world to him. One day at their rural store while Ed is out on emergency business, some city folks hit Billy with their dirt bikes. Not long after, Billy dies and Ed tries to take the body to a local witch, hoping the crone can bring his boy back to him. She can't, but she does have access to a certain gourdy demon that will surely destroy Billy's killers, for a price. Ed performs the ritual, but quickly discovers he has gone too far, and attempts to undo the deed he has done.

Pumpkinhead is a traditional horror film of the 80s, combining a slasher-style revenge story amidst breathtaking locations. Director Stan Winston, who used to work closely with James Cameron on films such as Terminator and Aliens, borrows more than a couple images from the latter of those films. Indeed, Pumpkinhead (who I like to call PH) looks more and more like Geiger's Alien with every scene. This is to say as a central special-effects antagonist, PH is most effective in his earliest scenes. The second half of the picture, when PH is on his rampage, gets  old pretty quick. It's nothing you don't expect, either. Bad people will die, good people might make it.

Despite these shortcomings, there's plenty to like about Pumpkinhead. As mentioned, the sets, and found locations are breathtaking. With the proper lighting, the woods that the film's action occurs in are just creepy enough. In fact, many of the quiet details of what's in frame (such as when Ed visits the witch's cabin) are what makes Pumpkinhead an enjoyable watch. While the city kids that are considered the antagonists of the film aren't worthy of mention, Lance Henriksen (also a carryover of Aliens) stars as Ed, and turns in a very powerful performance of a jilted father with nothing left to lose. You really hurt when Ed loses Billy, but interestingly, you do not share his guilt in siccing PH on those city chumps. While the message that revenge is wrong is a good one, it may not belong in the horror genre.

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (Robert Fuest) - B-

Three years after the goofy adventures in the Abominable Dr. Phibes, the good Doctor revives himself, and his servant, Vulnavia. Though he's been in suspended animation, Phibes immediately hatches a plot to go to Egypt by sea in order to uncover the fountain of youth. Phibes' wife, Victoria, remains suspended, pending Phibes succeeding in his task. The plot thickens, however, when Phibes comes to learn that another eccentric with a need for the fountain is hunting for it. Darrus Biederbeck is hundreds of years old, and without the water from that fountain, will surely perish.

This continuation from one of my favorite entries of last year is a proper return to form. Vincent Price silently hams it up through the film, masterfully delivering one-liner after one-liner. Though fairly similar to its predecessor, the film abandons the curse of the pharaohs motif, and instead allows for Phibes to dispose of his enemies in new, inventive ways (such as trapping a victim's arms in spikes, and then tricking him into unleashing many scorpions in an attempt to gain his freedom). Also, much like its predecessor, Dr. Phibes Rises Again has wonderful sets and props, including the return of Phibes' robot band, Dr. Phibes and the Automatons.

If Dr. Phibes Rises Again had a fault, it would be its narrative format. It gets pretty repetitive after a while, and the kill scenes, while inventive and fresh, don't quite hit the same mark as the first film. While Phibes was seemingly the antagonist in the original, he is undoubtedly the protagonist in the sequel. The only real possible antagonist this time around is Biederbeck, who isn't even aware that Phibes exists until after they are in Egypt. As a result, there's very little tension. But that's well in keeping with the ultra campy tone the film has, so you can't really fault it. I'd say I marginally enjoyed the first more, and only then because of the storytelling.

Frogs (George McCowan) - F

Pickett Smith is a freelance photographer that has been hired by an ecology journal to study the lake area near the Crockett summer home. While he is canoeing around, taking pictures of wildlife and pollution, he is knocked in the water by the churlish drunkard in a powerboat Cliff, one of the Crocketts. Cliff, and his younger sister Karen feel bad for Pickett, and invite him to stay for lunch at their estate. Pickett agrees, and is soon introduced to the entire Crockett clan, including ultra rich patriarch, Jason Crockett. Jason, who is wheelchair-bound, belligerent and senile, begrudgingly accepts Pickett's presence, but warns Pickett that there can't be an environmental problem. There's more frogs on his property than ever, and they're bigger than usual too. Not long after, it becomes all too apparent that not only frogs are in large numbers this year. There's a veritable invasion of lizards, snakes, tarantulas and other creepy crawlies. The animals are inexplicably hellbent on killing any and every human on the island, and perhaps beyond.

Now, when I say inexplicably, I mean just that. Not once is it explained why this is happening. But you can infer, just by watching the silent opening scene of the film that the implication is that man is destroying the planet, and this is how nature is fighting back. In fact, it seems George McCowan was working along the same lines as Hitchcock with the Birds, which is famous for never really explaining what's going on. It is one of the more chilling parts of that film. Yet Frogs never comes close to the same level of terror. Or class.

You may have noticed I have talked in many of these reviews about films that suffer because of lack of exposition. I also, confusingly will say that sometimes films that don't explain themselves well are some of the best. The dividing line with these films can be summarized with the question: is there anything else about this picture that can support it despite its lack of exposition? Horror movies that choose this route need to toe a fine line. If you aren't going to tell your audience what's going on, then something like your story or monster or kill scenes or photography or excellent performances needs to be able to make them care. Frogs has none of these things. It's just confusing, predictable and boring.

Perhaps the most F-worthy quality of Frogs, though, was that between every scene - and I mean every, single scene - we are treated to roughly 10-30 seconds of unrelated footage of frogs. Not interesting, or funny footage. Just footage of frogs being frogs. There are enough scenes in Frogs that at least 30 minutes of the movie are just shots of frogs not doing anything. That's a third of this movie's run time! Even if the title of your movie is Frogs, you really can't afford to show stock footage of them for a significant amount of your movie like that. It's just insulting to your audience. It also dissolves tension, which I'm sure I don't have to tell you, is extremely detrimental to a horror movie.

Lady Frankenstein (Mel Welles, Aureliano Luppi) - F

Tanya Frankenstein returns from medical school to her father, Baron Frankenstein. The Baron is up to his typical tricks, namely sewing bodies together, popping in new brains and then blasting the poor bastard with lightning (though its not clear if he's doing this for the first time, or if Lady Frankenstein is supposed to be an unofficial sequel). Tanya keeps asking to be allowed to help the Baron and his assistant, Charles Marshall with the experiment, but is told no. Tragedy strikes when the monster rises, kills Baron Frankenstein and then goes on a rampage on the countryside, ruining sexual encounter after sexual encounter as he goes. Aghast by events, Tanya sets out to clear her father's name by making a new monster out of Dr. Marshall's brain (who admits basically out of nowhere that he loves Tanya), and the lean, muscular body of simple stable boy Robert (who Tanya wants inside of her REAL BAD).

I was hoping, at least, for unintentional laughs. Even those are hard to come by here. Billed as being a sexy, scary romp, Lady Frankenstein is a dull effort that is loaded with inane, poorly-written dialogue, half-assed special effects and awkward performances. Joseph Cotten, who plays the Baron, is the only one that does an OK job (OK, but not anything to write home about), and he's out before halfway through the movie. The scenes of the monster on a rampage are repetitive and silly, often being an excuse to see naked ladies. Now, I'm pro naked ladies, especially when tastelessly used to keep an audience engrossed in something like this, but somehow, it still manages to fall flat.

There are a couple of sex scenes between Tanya and her creation (before and after the transformation, though that hardly matters). These scenes would have been pretty racy in the early 70s, one would suppose. But to a modern audience, one that can watch any amount of depraved pornography from any computer with internet access, not even these scenes are particularly worthwhile (and believe me, these were THE scenes of the movie). All said, Lady Frankenstein disappointed me across the board.

Red Eye (Wes Craven) - D-

Lisa is a manager at a popular chain of hotels. On a return flight to Miami, her seatmate, the charismatic Jackson reveals that he is an international assassin, who knows that only she can a change to a booking at her hotel to conveniently set up a hit. Lisa must now either aid in murdering Jackson's target, or lose her father and perhaps her own life too.

There's a lot of potential in Red Eye. Cillian Murphy, Rachel McAdams and Brian Cox are all fine actors, and Wes Craven is a well-established director (in case you're not familiar, Craven got started in the 70s with movies like the Last House on the Left and the Hills Have Eyes before breaking it big with the Nightmare on Elm St. and Scream franchises). The first half of the movie is strong, and ramps up nicely. You meet many of the incidental characters who are on Lisa's flight, and you get to see some building tension between she and Jackson. Jackson drops a few subtle hints that he's dangerous, but these are mostly laughed off by Lisa. And once they're in the air, and Jackson reveals himself as an assassin to Lisa, the camera angles suddenly get very tight on scenery and close to the actors, forcing the audience to feel as trapped as she is.

But then it all falls to shit. You groan when Lisa continues to resist Jackson's wishes. You know everything Lisa attempts to do to get free will fail. And even when they're off the plane, you know they're going to end up having a showdown at her dad's place. And I'm not even going to go into how ridiculous it is when a group of assassins fire a bazooka in post 9/11 America. Red Eye gets off to a good start, but tailspins out of control quickly, leaving an all but forgettable product.

Also, I'd like to throw a little horror movie wisdom your way: if you stab a guy in the throat, and he keeps coming at you, you don't have to run from him, or even look for a weapon. Hide behind a corner, and when he passes you, step out behind him, drop a witty rejoinder on him and PUNCH HIM IN THE SAME PLACE YOU STABBED HIM. Seriously. Dude might be a badass killer, but he's still going to crumble in agony when you smash the gaping hole in his windpipe.

Beyond the Door (Ovidio G. Assonitis, Robert Barrett) - D

Jessica is pregnant! But the baby isn't Robert, her husband. That baby seems to be coming faster than expected, plus it seems to be giving Jessica symptoms that cause her to act a lot like Linda Blair in the exorcist. She bugs out so hard that Robert has to send Gail and Ken, their children, away to live elsewhere while he and George (a doctor) try to figure out what's happened to her. To make matters worse, Dimitri, who is not only a servant of the devil, but also used to date Jessica, keeps turning up. Dimitri really wants that kid to be born. Almost as though his life depended on it...

This film is just out there. An Italian picture from the early 70s, Beyond the Door mashes up Rosemary's Baby with the Exorcist, and the end result is baffling. There's a lot of weird elements at play here, including:

• The opening of the movie is an ironic, self-aware monlogue from Satan
• Gail, the daughter, is a precocious elementary school tot that talks like a hippie and calls both of her parents by name (until she witnesses her mother's head turn around completely)
• Jessica puts her tongue in her son's mouth. Devil Mom of the year!
• A soundtrack that blends woodwind jazz and synthesizers

While all of these things are certainly amusing, that's the best this film can boast. Jessica pulls almost every move out of the Exorcist's playbook. The ending has no surprises, either, so you'll feel like you've seen most of the film before. The dialog, while it provides you with laughs, is vacuous. And the special effects? Just some green ooze, some levitating and a car going off a cliff. Most people could happily skip this one.

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (Robert Aldrich) - C-

Jane Hudson was a pretty big deal in 1917. They even had dolls made in her likeness, something her dad came up with. The darling, Shirley Temple-like Jane can sing and dance like an angel, but her younger sister Blanche seems jealous of her fame. Fast forward to 1935. Jane is washed up and can only get work because Blanche is a movie star, and forces producers to give Jane roles. One night there's an accident, that we learn in the future, has broken both of Blanche's legs. We advance further in time to 1962. Blanche and Jane now live together. Blanche has a pretty cheery disposition for a woman that has lost everything. Her fortune from her movie career in the 30s has kept she and Jane very comfortable.  Jane, on the other hand, is a miserable bitch that hates Blanche and is deeply jealous of her success. When Jane discovers that Blanche intends to send her to a doctor to "get help", Jane demonstrates she's still got some tricks up her sleeve, and can make life very difficult for poor Blanche.

Bette Davis, who plays Jane is sensational in this film. The details of her performance, from her ridiculous make up, to her volatile personality, make for a chilling rendition of a woman long past her prime desperately attempting to stay relevant. She is twisted, malicious and selfish, and Davis plays it all very well. This isn't to say, mind you, that Joan Crawford, who plays Blanche, and the other supporting actors don't do a great job. But Davis is the stand out. Jane is a crazy old woman for an arsenal of reasons. You will hate her, you will pity her, and you will ultimately be disgusted with her. In a character-driven piece like this one, Betty Davis knocks it out of the park.

On the downside, however, this film drags on endlessly. Most audiences will be sharp enough to recognize where the film is going fairly early in the story. Jane's keeping Blanche locked down, the maid, neighbor and doctor will be turned away from helping Blanche, and Jane's luck will eventually run out. Yet, despite this all being very apparent from the get go, the film takes over two hours to get there. The middle of the film is so repetitive that you wonder how any editor could have let this happen. One of the many 'Blanche almost gets help' scenes could easily have been deleted, and shaved 30 minutes off the run time. It doesn't matter how excellent the performances in a movie are, if your audience is bored. Still, this thriller is somewhat captivating early on, and definitely worth seeing for Bette Davis alone. There is a twist at the end, but that point, it hardly matters, given what's happened.

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Normally, I don't know exactly what the coming week will bring, but as we are now down to only six films, I have the remaining schedule pretty solidified. Out of pure interest, here's what's left: 

Sunday, Oct. 26th - The Mummy

Monday, Oct. 27th - Jacob's Ladder

Tuesday, Oct. 28th - Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

Wednesday, Oct. 29th - Ms. 45

Thursday, Oct. 30th - the Iron Rose

Friday, Oct. 31st - Magic (Usually, I'd pick something a little more iconic, but the missus and I are thematically linked to this movie via our halloween costumes, so it must be so!) 

I will still probably release last digest on Sunday, Nov. 2nd, and take a much-needed break from Horror Movies on Nov. 1st. So, we'll see all you faithful followers then.