Since this is the first one of these, and because without fail every year, someone is personally hurt when I give a movie what they feel is an unfair grade, I'd like to remind everyone of how my letter grade system works. First and foremost: Anything D- or higher implies that I liked it at least a little. I'm also a notoriously hard marker, rarely giving anything above a B+ grade (and nothing has ever secured the coveted A+ to date...)
** This contains spoilers for sure. Not always, but accept that it might happen. **
A =
Excellent, a must see
B = Very
good, I’d watch it again
C = Worth
Seeing
D = Maybe
don’t bother
F =
Worthless
+ = Superior
for this grade
- = Just
barely makes it into this grade
So, keeping that grading in mind, let's get down to the first week, shall we?
Right off
the bat, perhaps one the worst experiences ever in my monthly horror movie
watching. And I've seen a lot of bad movies during these years.
But first,
the plot: picking up where the previous picture left off, Jason, who you are
led to believe was dead, isn't dead at all. Seemingly unphased by his mortal
injury, Voorhees immediately gets up, goes to a local shop and murders the
help. Then a group of eight kids - not troubled at all by the mass murder that
went on nearby a day or two before - shows up for a weekend of bongs and
banging. Jason makes quick work of all of them, except the female lead, who
eventually manages to take Vorhees out with an axe to the head. After a false
ending that is basically an exact rehash of the first movie, the survivor is
carted off to convalesce, and we see that Jason's body is still there. Still
(possibly) dead. Special mention to this film is that Jason finally dons his
signature hockey mask, after taking it from the body of horror geek Shelly.
Now, I
wasn't expecting Citizen Kane, but I was hoping to see why this franchise is so
particularly beloved. It took three movies to even get Jason to become the icon
he's become today. There is nothing to celebrate in this film. The slayings
aren't particularly gory or involved. One of the kills is an exact copy of one
from the first movie. Would it kill you to try?
Here's how
every single Friday movie goes:
- Ten minute flashback ripped directly out of the previous movie (in the case of the first movie, they replace this with 'exposition')
- Jason/Mrs. Voorhees kills some people not related to the plot
- Some kids, oblivious to all the ominous signs, take a trip to Crystal Lake
- A creepy old homeless fellow warns them about the danger they are approaching, but he is ignored
- As soon as they get there, every time one of them is alone on screen, creepy music plays, even if nothing happens. When they're together, there is no music (so you know it's safe)
- Jason (or Mrs. Voorhees) picks them all off, one by one, flawlessly. Most of the kids never even see their murderer.
- Despite this amazing success streak, without fail, when its down to one kid, Jason abandons his previous routine and becomes awful at murdering! No matter how hard he tries, no matter how many deaths he feigns, he becomes supremely inept at doing what he's been doing amazingly well all movie.
- The final kid eventually manages to put him down... But for how long?
These movies
are uninspired. Even if I don't care for a series of films (Like A Nightmare on
Elm St), I do find it an interesting exercise to go back to the roots of the
franchise to see the evolution of their success. Not so with these movies. If
you've seen one, you've seen them all. The complete lack of any explanation as
to what Jason is leads the writers to be able to give him whatever powers he
needs to get through each scene of the movie (for example, in one scene he's
strong enough to pop a teen's skull, but ten minutes later he's trapped in a
hand-rolled car window). Indeed, the only interesting aspect to this film was
it was originally in 3D. There are many unintended laughs at how they tried to
use these effects.
Sam is an American
author visiting Italy. He intends to leave Italy with his girlfriend soon, but
those plans go awry when he witnesses an attempted murder. Then Sam is held as
a possible suspect, and his passport is taken away by the authorities. The police reveal
to him that this is the fourth attack in a series of slayings. Sam takes this
in stride, however, and begins to investigate the murders himself. While
eventually the police come to believe his story, and collaborate with his
investigation, the killer also takes notice of his meddling and begins to try
and kill Sam in retaliation.
This very
atmospheric thriller is the debut film by the celebrated Italian filmmaker
Dario Argento. It is also perhaps the first slasher movie, but you wouldn't
know it by the content. In fact, very few characters are killed on screen, and are usually women who are just on screen long enough for us to
understand that their sole purpose is to add to the body count. To this end, the
gore is very minimal, which is crucial to adding to the effect. Because no
slasher films existed before this, there is no need to emphasize or celebrate
the slayings. And besides, with the surreal, nightmarish build to the reveal of the actual killer, Argento establishes that he doesn't need gore to send a chill down your spine and make you feel uneasy.
This might
be Argento's first picture, but he establishes himself quickly as a director of
worth. The framing of scenes in this movie is breathtaking. And while this
could be considered a slasher, it has the feel of a Hitchcock thriller. Indeed,
it is apparent that Argento is paying tribute to Hitchcock's style through the
movie, but he manages to make it his own. Argento's use of shadows, his
innovative way of framing shots and a surprisingly fitting soundtrack from
veteran Ennio Morricone assure an underlying creepy feel throughout. The
whodunnit storyline is also refreshingly smart, and though they do give you
clues through the film, you'll be hard pressed to see the whole picture until
the reveal. While true horror fans may not appreciate it, cinephiles of all
stripes will definitely find something they like about the Bird With the
Crystal Plumage.
Vincent
Price is Robert Morgan, a scientist who has managed to survive a mysterious
plague that wiped out the entire population of Earth, and then reanimates the corpses into dim-witted vampires. We open getting to know Morgan through watching a day
in his life. You know, the usual: have a coffee, put some gas in the generator,
bring any corpses you find to a giant pit of burning bodies in the middle of
town, and spend the rest of your daylight hours busting into homes and staking
as many vampires as you can find. After this, we get a flashback to see what
Morgan's life was like, and how it came to pass that he was the last one alive. Finally we return to dystopic present day to learn that Morgan has met
another seeming survivor, who eventually reveals that she too is a vampire.
Some of them have managed to work out a temporary cure for their plague and are
none too happy that Morgan has been going out and murdering all of them!
Now, that
description might make parts of this film seem way more exciting than it truly
is. The Last Man on Earth Is the first adaptation of Richard Matheson's novel I
Am Legend (later remade as the Omega Man with Charlton Heston in the early
70s, and again in 2007 with I Am Legend, starring Will Smith). Released in
1964, 4 years before Night of the Living Dead, the influence of this movie on Romero’s
classic is obvious; the scenes in which the vampires try to gain entry to
Morgan's home are extremely similar to the zombies trying to breach the
farmhouse, the vampires behave more like the zombies of Romero's films, and
even some of the themes are similar (such as harboring a sick daughter in a
national crisis). Therefore, it’s fair to say this movie was extremely influential
on the zombie genre we are very aware of today.
But the movie
itself isn't that captivating. It rushes through Price's vampire slayings in
the earlier segments of the film. It also comes to a conclusion rather quickly,
and, given the amount of information the film lobs at you in the last 20
minutes, I couldn't help but feel like it could have used another half an hour
to better explore some things (like the vampire society that has been forming!
How did that happen?). Where The Last Man on Earth succeeds is with its early
establishing shots of a world full of bodies. No one lives by day, and by night…
well… no one really lives, but there they are. This film has a very depressing tone, and
though it is a bit confused about what to do with it, ultimately is successful
in setting the scene for a true sense of hopelessness.
Rec 3: Genesis (Paco Plaza) - C+
Koldo and Clara are getting married! Starting with a copy of their wedding DVD, the ceremony is beautiful, and everyone is having a lovely time. But there's trouble with Uncle Pepe - who admits on camera earlier that he was bitten earlier in the evening by a dog that he thought was dead - when he starts biting and infecting the other wedding guests. So begins a true horror love story, with Koldo and Clara searching for one another through the blood-stained grounds of their wedding reception. Will they find each other? Will they be able to escape their party alive? Can the Rec franchise transition from found footage to a more traditional style of film making?
Short answer to that last one: Yes, it can. While the first 22 minutes of Rec 3 do lead you to believe that you will be watching an entire found footage movie, Koldo addresses this by smashing one of the three cameras we see being used at the start of the movie. All three camera people are in Koldo's initial unit of survivors, and they give up trying when he makes his feelings known. Though parts of the film stray back into this medium (there's more than one security camera footage sequence, and an almost useless night camera sequence), the majority of the last hour of Rec 3 is well shot, well lit, and yet it still manages to keep its signature style of spooks. They even manage to include some of their old found footage tricks (subtle additions to frame that turn out to be monsters, for example). While Rec 2 managed to begin to examine the more religious angles of their zombies (most likely to separate it from it's godawful Americanized remake, Quarantine), Rec 3 takes this further, showing that the very religious people of Spain are able to hold their own against these undead as long as their faith is strong.
Special mention MUST go to lead actress Leticia Dolera, who becomes a bride possessed with finding her newlywed husband and surviving the carnage of her wedding. While they certainly don't fail to try and make her look like a sexy horror heroine, I found myself more appreciative of the actresses' facial expressions and reactions. She may look a little like Shelley Duvall, but there's something to be said for a unique looking protagonist. The scenes in which she picks up a chainsaw and hacks her way back to her husband are marvelous.
So, you must be curious, why only a C+? Well, frankly, as entertaining as it was, this film doesn't show you anything you haven't seen before. It is also pretty predictable. You can see any scares coming a mile away. While it may prove that this franchise can outlive its found footage roots, it's nothing that I would rush out and tell people about. This film also relies on people having watched the first two films. They reference the monster that created the plague that turns people into these demonic creatures, but there's no resolution or direct confrontation with that character. While Rec 3 manages to establish its own style, there's nothing about this film that couldn't have happened in any other zombie movie.
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And that does it for week 1! Because the month started on a Wednesday, this entry is a bit smaller than those to come. I'm not exactly what will be upcoming this week (I want to do Cannibal Holocaust - Cloverfield - Afflicted all in the same week, but probably not this week), but tonight we'll be checking out the widely publicized Insidious. Stay tuned, fright fans.
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